There is no right or wrong answer to this question. I have heard “You’re ready when you’re ready” or just “You’ll know.” A friend of mine told me “I know I was ready one day when I said ‘I miss having a dog” rather than “I miss Hope.”

All these sentiments point toward knowing yourself and having an awareness of your decision-making process. This is sometimes hard when you are lost in grief and despair because of losing your best friend.   

Here are a couple of things for you to consider that may help when deciding to add a new member to your household.

Am I financially ready to get another pet? Often pets that are sick or elderly require a lot of vet care prior to their death, often costly procedures. New pets may need spaying or neutering, shots, heartworm and parasite protection, and a wellness exam.

How do I think my remaining animals will adjust to a new pet? Animals grieve too and introducing a new pet into the household can mean added stress for them. Behavior issues like litter box issues and scratching, food guarding and unusual destructive behavior could arise. Sometimes an animal that was shy or dominated by the animal that is gone will begin to shine and seemingly prefer to be the center of attention.

Am I ready for the extra work? You may have just finished with the stress of caring for a sick or elderly pet. Getting a new puppy or rescue dog will mean potty training. A new cat may have to be taught where the litter box is and what are the acceptable things for them to scratch on. Also, puppies and kittens require constant attention when they are awake, something that you may not be used to or remember from raising your last pet.

Am I ready to see my new pet as a new being in our household and not the old friend that has recently passed? When getting a new pet it is sometimes hard to not expect them to fit into the family. This is natural because we miss the easiness and routine of our old home life. We need to be ready to give the new pet an even chance at being themselves with all their behaviors and all the love they have to give while not having unrealistic expectations of them by comparing them to your old friend.

Are all family members ready to get a new pet? Everyone needs to be ready because this is a new family member. Everyone grieves in their own way and needs time to process the loss. Pushing forward before everyone is ready can lead to an uncomfortable living situation for the existing family members and for the new pet who is trying to fit into his or her new family. You need to be in a place emotionally and financially and have the time to invest in a new pet before making a decision. 

I think I’m ready and want to add to my family. What are some things to consider when adopting? If you decide to adopt from a shelter find out if you have to take the animal home right away or if you could think about it overnight.  Ask about their return policy. Most reputable shelters/breeders should be willing to take the animal back if you explain the reason. Be honest with them if you decide you just weren’t ready or it was just too soon. Shelter staff care for their animals and want to see them get the best forever home possible. Importantly, as I stated above, make sure you are seeing the new animal as themselves with their own traits and issues, not just a replacement for someone that you lost. They may not be the best fit for your family.

If you aren’t ready to adopt a new animal here are a couple of other things you may consider when you are missing that animal/human bond:

-Volunteer at a shelter or rescue. The animals and staff appreciate all the help that the volunteers bring to shelters. Some people are leery of shelters, feeling sorry for the animals. In my experience, not focusing on the animal’s past and staying in the present with the animal acknowledging that they are safe and fed goes a long way to alleviate those feelings. Also, you won’t “want to take them all home” as you see how many loving people there are in the world that want to give an animal a forever home.

-If you don’t have the time to volunteer, just visit the shelter when they are open and visit with the animals. Most love the attention.

-Pet sit for a friend for an afternoon or a weekend.

-If you are used to walking your dog ask a friend if you can walk with them and their dog.

Bringing a new pet into our lives after a loss can be very healing. Take time to consider the things I listed above. Most of all, be kind to yourself. Somedays you may feel ready to drive to the nearest shelter and bring someone home and the next day know you made a mistake and you weren’t ready. Loss and grief are a process and people go through them at different rates. Just as there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is no absolute right time to add a pet to your family.